"Drive"

Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear
Take the wheel and steer

It's driven me before and seems to have a vague
Haunting mass appeal
But lately I'm beginning to find that I
Should be the one behind the wheel

Whatever tomorrow brings
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes yea
Whatever tomorrow brings
I'll be there I'll be there

So, if I decide to waiver my chance
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/i/incubus-lyrics/drive-lyrics.html ]
To be one of the hive
Will I choose water over wine
And hold my own and drive?
Aah ah ooo

It's driven me before and it seems to be the way
That everyone else gets around
But lately I'm beginning to find that when
I drive myself my light is found

Whatever tomorrow brings
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes yea
Whatever tomorrow brings
I'll be there I'll be there

Would you choose water over wine?
Hold the wheel and drive

Whatever tomorrow brings
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes yea
Whatever tomorrow brings
I'll be there I'll be there

The Graduate

This past weekend we went up to San Luis Obispo for Darin's sister's college graduation. In 2007 she was accepted to Cal Poly's Animal Science program and after 3.75 years, many awards, and Dean's List she graduated Cum Laude, just .01 percent away from Magna Cum Laude. Something to be proud of for sure, also a reason to celebrate. So Saturday morning Darin and I awoke bright and early to make the 2.5 hour drive up through the coast. It was a perfect day, and the sun came out just in time for the graduation. Over 2000 students and all their families piled into Spanos Stadium for the 2 hour ceremony. The only thing was the speakers were set up so poorly that we could only hear the echo off the opposing sides bleachers. Afterward, each major had their own name ceremony in individual lots around the school. We watched as she accepted her "diploma" and then it was photo time. The 2011 graduating class had a large photo on the steps of the business building. We did our own photos and then made the trek back to the car for dinner. Unfortunately because of the extreme amount of people it took well over an hour walking and driving just to get out of the school, so we missed our reservation for dinner. Luckily, Cailee's fiance worked at Giuseppes in downtown Pismo and they were able to squeeze us into a table! We ate some wonderful Italiano and had some funfetti cupcakes baked by yours truly. It was a great day and a wonderful time spent with Darin's parents, grandparents, and of course the Graduate and her fiance.

What's next for her? She has been accepted into Western School in Pomona for Veterinary Science. In another 4 years, she will be a vet. We are proud of you Cailee and looking forward to the next celebration!

Beautiful Day

Packed Stadium

Cailee is in the middle

Us with the graduate

Joyous Times

As you know I have yet to have children, but Darin and I are lucky enough to have a god-daughter. Last Monday we were lucky enough to experience first hand what it is like to have children and go to a theme park. My cousin and aunt were coming down to go to Disneyland and we decided to join them. Not only do you have to have an extraordinary amount of stuff with a baby you have to deal with all the other people who have an extraordinary amount of stuff with a baby. You have the diaper bag, the stroller, all your stuff, and of course THE BABY! It was a zoo at the park, but I didn't expect anything less considering they have a new ride, new shows and it's summer! We spent half the day walking around with the stroller and trying to keep everybody cool, including Charlotte. At one point my aunt told Amy, Darin, her friend Wendy and I all to go onto Soarin' Over California in California Adventure while she took care of the baby and tracked down her sister. We didn't have a fastpass so we stood in the line, which was a good 45+ minutes. Then we walked back over to Screamin' to meet up with everyone. When we arrived, we saw that Charlotte was having a meltdown. She was crying so hard and my aunt and her sister looked very frazzled as having not been able to soothe her. Amy took the baby and went to feed her, but mostly to calm her down. Everyone all went on rides so I was left to sit with the stroller and wait. When Amy emerged we did some shopping and waited for the rest of the group. When Darin and my aunt showed back up she had two turkey legs in her hands one for her and one for Darin. They looked so barbaric eating them, but I thought it was amusing.

After a little more shopping we went to go see the new Little Mermaid ride. I had been a long wait all day, but we decided to bear the line, I mean we knew it was going to be worth it. They had told us that we could bring the carseat on the ride, but that Charlotte would have to be taken out while it was in motion. So once we got to the front, Darin picked up Charlotte out of the carseat and went to get in the clam shell. I grabbed the carseat and told Amy to go and sit with Darin. We did a back and forth of you go you go, until they finally told us the bar went down already and we couldn't go on the ride with him. So we both crammed into the clamshell with the diaper bag, the carseat, my camera bag, and both of us! It was crowded. Darin got to ride with Charlotte on her first ever theme park ride....all alone! Damn him! It's ok though cause she LOVED it. It was so cute to see my love enjoy the baby on the ride.

Afterward we did a little more shopping and then went to the car to get the frontpack. Basically a backpack for babies it was a godsend! Charlotte decided that was time to take a nap. We had dinner and then went on Pirates of the Caribbean, which she also loved. Then we made the trek over to see World of Color. After the show the group decided to go onto Tower of Terror. Now I am a big chicken so I told Amy if she wanted to go on the ride that I would take the baby so she could. When it was time for them to go we did the baby pass and I put the front pack on. Which in turn woke up poor Charlotte. She had a full out melt down outside the ride. I felt helpless and like everyone was looking at me like "what a horrible person letting that baby cry!" I bounced, rocked, sang, rubbed her back, NOTHING was working! I decided to take a walk away from everyone so that they wouldn't have to listen to her cry and as soon as I did that she stuffed her hand in her mouth and stopped crying. So I just kept walking until she was completely calm. Whew! Crises averted! I was thinking, "Oh no! She can't be crying when Amy comes off the ride! She'll never leave her baby alone with anyone!" I felt so proud of myself, the veteran mother's couldn't calm her down but I (not a mother!) was able to do it! Score one for me! Hehe! When they came off the ride she was great and calm! :-) It was then time to leave. We walked toward the exit, and my aunt got stopped by a survey taker so we were held up at the gates. While up there California Dreamin' was playing on the speakers and I started to sing to Charlotte and dance with her. She was looking at me, smiling and singing back with her little coos. It warmed my heart and I felt so happy to be her godmommy at that moment. I thought to myself, "this is why people have babies, what a joyous feeling this is." It was a special moment that I shared and Darin got his special moment too! I cannot wait to have more special moments with her, as well as my cousins! Please enjoy some photos from the trip!

House of Mouse (Part One)

Source

It's no surprise to hear when somebody says that they have been to the Happiest Place on Earth. (I am referring to Disneyland in case you didn't catch the reference) But it does surprise people to hear that I actually worked for the Disney family. No not them specifically, but I did work at the park. It was a wonderful experience, and I thought that I would share it with you.

My good friend Trevor had told me about this audition that he found out about an audition for the upcoming parade at the Disneyland Resort called "A Christmas Fantasy." Now if you didn't know, every year they use the same music and just re-choreograph the dancers and re-organize the floats for the Christmas season. I had never been to an audition before so I decided what the hell, lets go for it.

We arrived in Anaheim the next morning at 6 am ready to go, when I realized that they were only auditioning men and point dancers that day. I had only been on point for a year, but decided that I still needed to try because I came all the way down there. Of course, like I knew I would be I was cut first round, but since I carpooled with Trevor I had to wait for his audition to finish. Little did I know that I would be waiting around for a very long time. He finally came out around 5 PM and told me he got a part, Ball Dancer. I was so bummed that I didn't make it that I made the decision to come back the next day for the women audition. The next day I woke up bright and early for the next audition. Hundred's of women showed up to audition. I thought to myself I am way out of my league here, but since I was there I would at least have fun. Round one was the character audition. Easy peasy. I took to the choreography and when it was time to "perform" I lathered on the cheese and smiled, giggled, and flirted with the judge. Who the entire time had his eyes fixated on me! YES! I got someones attention! I finished my set, and went back in with the other dancers. Every so often the judges would come in and call certain numbers....I was called up for a face character (the people like Cinderella and Snow White) but after height and skin tone checks they didn't want me as that. The next time they came in was to call a series of numbers, me included! These were the people that they wanted to dance in the lyrical section. We learned the choreography and did our auditions. I was so focused on the choreography that I forgot my performance! OOPS! I thought that it was over with from there. I went back into the large room and waited. Finally after what seemed like forever they called us into the audition room for part assignments.

I sat through part after part that were given away and my heart was starting to sink. Suddenly I heard my number called. I stood up and went to stand in the line of girls. They stared at us and stared, called us into smaller groups to stand together, and then back in the long line. All of a sudden they announced...."We need to break for lunch, come back in an hour." UGH you have got to be kidding me! I have been here since 7AM, its now 5PM and I have to wait! Dammit! So I went back in my car to rest for a while and went back into the audition room at a quarter to 6. We all got back in our line. In hindsight I look back and realized that I was a good 2 inches taller than all the other girls in the row. Disney has a height restriction for most parts. Mickey and Minnie have a max height of 5'2", all princesses have a height restriction of 5'4", etc. I stand at 5'5". As we stand there, they called the girl immediately to my left and immediately to my right and dismiss them. Then they started handing out the part cards to everyone in the line, including me! I look down and see Gingerbread 5'2-5'4." Apparently they liked me so much that they put aside the height limitation and hired me anyways!

So Trevor and I both got parts in a Disneyland show! We were ecstatic, but nothing compared to the experience we were about to share. Check back later for the rest of the story!

A change of address?

Ever since Thanksgiving of last year Darin and I have been mulling around with the thought of moving out of state. We have always thought that we would never stay in Southern California, but many things have kept us here. My job, family, security. I have a wonderful job that heavily appreciates family time, which is rare in my business. I am an only child so it would be very hard for me to leave my mom and the rest of my family. And the fact that I have lived here in southern California my whole life, could I adjust to another place? There are just too many what if's that are out there. I was watching the movie "Letter's to Juliet" last night, I know not really in relevance, and happened upon a quote "'What' and 'If' are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life." There have been many things that have happened in the recent past that have made me think, is life too short to stay? Do we need to have an adventure, get lost in the world, and really become a couple without the security blanket? We haven't even scratched the surface of life. I have traveled, but not like I would truly want to. I want to start a family but fear that we will never be financially secure in this state. Housing prices, taxes, cost of living. It all keeps going up and up. I know that this is just the part of life that we have hit a financial plateau. It happens to everyone, but my fear is that we will get stuck here without any opportunity for real growth.

I had always said that I didn't believe that I would have the guts and tenacity to run my own business, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that I have far too much ambition to stay in the same position for the rest of my life. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do, I just sometimes feel that I am not given enough responsibilities and the opportunities to learn, make mistakes and grow. I understand that with the recession every company needs to minimize their overhead and have as few mistakes as possible. I just feel that I could soar if I am given that responsibility.

Then there is the family. For the most part, our families and friends are all here in Southern California. However with the exception of a very minimal few, we don't see the majority except for on very rare occasions. I understand that it is a part of life. To grow apart, find who you are, and become independent entities. I know that wherever we may go that the one's that truly care to see us will visit and we can always come back to visit. The other thing that I fear is being far from my mother. When I become a mother, I want her nearby to be able to help me pass on the good qualities like she did for me. There is a true bond between us and she is one of my best friends. But then I think to myself, she had the adventure. She lived in Spain for years while my father was in the Air Force and after I was born moved to Florida. She was far from her family and was forced to make her own decisions and fly. Darin desperately wants this for us and who am I to tell him no if it will be good for our relationship. He wants to find a sense of self, something he doesn't feel he can find in Southern California, or at least the SCV.

Back to the security blanket. Well there isn't much here for me except for the mild weather. Yes I love the beach, and there is much culture to experience here, but as I listed above there are many negatives to living in this state. Not to mention the vast need for attention, self involvement, and material nature of most people that have lived here for more than 5 years. Not everywhere is like that, but for the most part....what you see on TV is correct! I long for a simpler life. One where what you have isn't the most important thing, but your character and how you live your life is. I am tired of the "All about me" disease that has invaded my life. Not everyone is like this, but a vast majority is. Makes me want to just crawl into our hole and stay put.

I know that my life wont be drastically different in another place, but the thought of having to make it on my own, without the security blanket makes me optimistic and terrified at the same time. Life is the good and the bad all rolled into one and our job is to deal with it the best way we know how. To make mistakes and learn from them, to experience joy and sorrow, but most of all to live.  

"Destiny"

I lie awake
I've gone to ground
I'm watching porn
In my hotel dressing gown
Now I dream of you
But I still believe
There's only enough for one in this
Lonely hotel suite

The journey's long
And it feels so bad
I'm thinking back to the last day we had.
Old moon fades into the new
Soon I know I'll be back with you
I'm nearly with you
I'm nearly with you

When I'm weak I draw strength from you
And when you're lost I know how to change your mood
And when I'm down you breathe life over me
Even though we're miles apart we are each other's destiny

On a clear day
I'll fly home to you
I'm bending time getting back to you
Old moon fades into the new
Soon I know I'll be back with you
I'm nearly with you
I'm nearly with you

When I'm weak I draw strength from you
And when you're lost I know how to change your mood
And when I'm down you breathe life over me
Even though we're miles apart we are each other's destiny

When I'm weak I draw strength from you
And when you're lost I know how to change your mood
And when I'm down you breathe life over me
Even though we're miles apart we are each other's destiny

I'll fly, I'll fly home
I'll fly home and I'll fly home

"One Thing"

Restless tonight

Cause I wasted the light

Between both these times

I drew a really thin line

It’s nothing I planned

And not that I can

But you should be mine

Across that line

If I traded it all

If I gave it all away for one thing

Just for one thing

If I sorted it out

If I knew all about this one thing

Wouldn’t that be something

I promise I might

Not walk on by

Maybe next time

But not this time

Even though I know

I don’t want to know

Yeah I guess I know

I just hate how it sounds

Even though I know

I don’t want to know

Yeah I guess I know

I just hate how it sounds

Even though I know

I don’t want to know

Yeah I guess I know

I just hate how it sounds