Social Approval? Is it Important? - Coffee and Conversations

I was going to write this post yesterday, but as we all know life gets a little crazy sometimes and we can't get everything we want done in a day. Seriously the last two weekends have been super busy and I haven't even had a chance to blog about them yet. We celebrated D's 30th birthday on the 14th along with a close friends wedding and this past weekend we were thrown a surprise birthday by our parents and many many family members came out to celebrate with us! It was so great! I just need to get the photo's so I can share about it with you!

A little teaser!

Anyways, back to today's post and it's another Coffee and Conversations post. The question at hand is: "How important is social approval to you?"

Lets get straight to the bare bones here. I think social approval is important to everyone. We are social creatures by nature and like to live in packs. We have family dynamics that range based on our locations, but the thing that remains the same is always being near to our loved ones and core group. With me, as I age I look at social approval very differently then I did when I was a kid or teenager. In high school I was awkwardly shy, and continue to be that way. This made me not have a lot of friends, but the core group that I had were very close and dear to me. I still am friends with some of those people today. Once out of high school I determined that it was very important to be socially accepted. With the invention of social media outlets it became a game to see how many "friends" you could acquire. These people aren't really your friends, just a way to increase your social reach. I have since this time done several 'cleaning' bursts on all social media to clear out these people because it's just not necessary to have that in my life.

Social acceptance also lies in the media. Being that you have to dress a certain way, or look a certain way, or weigh a certain amount to be accepted. Being that I live in the Los Angeles Metro area, I see this a lot. We compare ourselves constantly with others and the keeping up with the Jones' mentality is turning us into a materialistic, self-centered society. I hate it! Why can't we be who we are meant to be. I can't say that I am not guilty of being envious of others, how they dress or carry themselves. But I have learned to accept who I am, and those things that I find as shortcomings are usually only in my head. Other's don't see them. Frankly if other's wanted to point out my shortcomings and gossip about me, that is fine. I am who I am and I am not going to change for a social aspect.

In my life now, I am doing just that. Learning to accept who I am as a whole person. Loving my body (self-conscious), loving my personality, and just hoping that those people who are in my life can accept the fact that's who I am. Do I still need social approval? I guess in a way. I do write this blog and love when I see a new follower or comment. But I don't write this space for acceptance. I write it for me. I need approval from a select few in my life and those that I have chosen do. I accept them for who they are. I am constantly trying to improve myself and when I get constructive criticism, I make sure to apply it in my daily life. This is the best I can do. Just to constantly improve and look towards the future! I am so grateful to all my readers and those of you who accept who I am, and love to read what I write! Thank you for always being there!

Forgiveness - Coffee and Conversations #15

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Sometimes I cannot relate to the topics of the CnC's or I just don't know what to write so I pass over the question. They tend to be really thought provoking and really help to delve into looking into myself as a whole person. It's really great to truly think about something, mull it around and really know how I feel about a topic. This weeks question: "What does forgiveness look like? At what point do you realize it's time to forgive and move on if someone takes advantage of you?"

This is something that I have struggled with my whole life. When I feel jilted it takes me a long time to recuperate from that feeling. I used to say that I forgive, but never forget. Now that I look back at it, if you forgive, but don't forget are you truly forgiving the person for their wrong doings? The not forgetting mentality is making that indiscretion stick in your head forever. Then when another indiscretion happens, you bring up all the past ones in your head and the whole thing gets blown wide open again. In my opinion this is holding a grudge. Grudges are very ugly. I used to hold grudges, but as I get older I know that they are a waste of time. I am the only one that cares and it puts a strain on myself and my psyche. Life is just too short to be wasted on holding grudges.

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We all have to remember that we are not just needing to forgive, sometimes people need to forgive us. We are human, and we all make mistakes. I am sometimes the one dishing out something that needs to be forgiven. This is another thing I struggle with; not being quick to apologize. My hubby can attest to this. Even if I know I am in the wrong, I don't always come out and say those two words that diffuse most situations "I'm sorry." I have been working on this a lot lately. To recognize my actions and how they may come off, either to him or to others. That doesn't mean that I am not myself, but let just be real here.....I am a red-headed Irish/Italian....I can have a short fuse. I am learning to recognize when I am being un-reasonable and have made big strides in taking my temper down a notch or two. Taking deep breaths and sometimes walking away from the situation to calm down makes every situation a little less hot.

Forgiveness and forgiving comes from a strong person. One that cares about what others thinks enough to respect them and their feelings. Singular mentality (me me me) doesn't get you anywhere. Being a kind and good person, forgiving AND forgetting is really the type of person I wish to be. Try not to live in the past. It has been said that you can't see your future if you are too busy looking at the past. We learn from the past, and it helps us grow towards our future, but we can't get stuck there.

I hope you all remember to forgive whenever someone wrongs you, but I also hope that you remember to apologize when you have wronged someone. It always helps when the other person recognizes that you didn't mean to hurt them, because most of the time, we don't mean to hurt one another. I hope you all link up with Lauren and Kalyn so I can read all about your thoughts on this topic.

Le Blog Title - Coffee N Conversations #13

Ok, I really fell off the wagon last week when I said that I would try and blog at least 4 times a week. I usually write posts on my lunch break and I was out at job sites Wed-Fri so that kinda made it a little impossible to do. But even with that I am really tying super hard to accomplish the goals that I set out to do. I am really focusing on the no soda. It's so hard. It's my only addiction!

So I missed the last coffee and conversations with Kalyn and Lauren. But I am not going to miss out on this weeks! This weeks questions: "What's the meaning behind your blog title and why? Do you believe you have upheld the meaning's purpose?"

When I originally started to blog I had a blog titled "Feels Like Home." I did one post and never formatted the page. I then forgot about it and created this little space on the internet. I knew that I had wanted to start journaling my life with my hubby but coming up with a title that suited us was hard. One day, on a drive out to the beach, we passed a street that we always laugh and say, "One day we are going to live on that street." It is Kimball Road. It's funny to us because our last name is Kimball....spelled the same was as the street, not ble. Then it popped into my head to use that as part of it. We both had names that start with D, and honestly we only have one letter difference between them so 2D Kimball Road. Which has now morphed into DD Kimball Road.

The tagline on my original header was "A Journey through the roads of life as seen through my eyes." That is exactly how I still feel about this blog. Back then, when I had this header, I was in a dark place. I was going through a lot of stress and emotion. I was also just learning how to use photoshop, hence the poor quality of the header. The "Kimball Rd." photo, is an actual photo of the street exit sign off the 126 freeway. I liked it because a lot of the posts were emotion filled and the cracks symbolized that I was breaking but still staying together. I had my wonderful hubby get me through that dark time. They weren't all bad times, and I did post a lot about all the fun things we were attempting to do, hence the Lifetime of Memories tab and our yearly bucket list was born. This was a way for us to move through the muck and truly enjoy life.

Once I was able to dig myself out of the dark place, I felt an update to the blog was necessary. I didn't want my readers to feel I was still there. I was still dealing with pain and stress, but was much better and wanted this outlet to showcase my talents and all the crazy things that went on in our life. From the attempt to purchase a home, to wedding involvements and eventually my All Things Crafty tab that is a place that showcases most (not all) of the things I do crafty outside of this blog. Being creative is a stress reliever and the place I like to go to relax my mind. I started to re-learn HTML and was working towards formatting and creating a nice look to go with my stories, my photoshop skills are improving! I still talked about the journeys and all the happenings in our life.

This was my header for over a year. I liked it and the color, but after my ectopic pregnancy last year, the focus of our life switched. Even though we had been trying to start a family, the loss made it more real and the fact that it might be something that we need to work at. I re-vamped the header and I update the tagline to read "A blog about life, love, and the journey to becoming mommy." as a way of motivating myself to talking about the struggles of starting a family. I have written about it here and there. However sometimes I feel like it's a dark and personal place and I want to keep this place a happy outlet. Although I think now, when I originally started this blog, it was a place to journal and keep my thoughts, desires, and everything happening in my life there. I guess I started to only want to talk about the good things, and that isn't really realistic. I still talk about our journey....it is the focus of this little place I call DD Kimball Road. It's a way to share about our life with our very large family that is spread across our country, but to also share with my readers that I am the same as you. We all have problems and we all have wants, desires, and sometimes a little encouragement goes a long way to help! That's what I truly love about this community, the support and encouragement from all the lovely ladies around the world who also keep their lives on a little place on the internet!

So with all that being said, I want to continue to do the things that I set out to on this space of mine. Continue to write about all the happenings going on in my life with my hubby, our lovely pup and everything that comes with life. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I will update you all on our journey to become parents periodically and continue to share my crafts, bucket list checks and recipes as they come. I may start to add little design boards here and there as well! If there ever is anything that you wish for me to write about, or a topic that is interesting to you, please don't hesitate to email me or leave me a comment!

Thanks to all of you old and new who share in my journey here at DD Kimball Road. 

A look into my habits and all about the Mom's weekend!

So the girls behind Coffee and Conversations opened up the topics to all the readers to submit questions for the discussion. A while back I submitted three or four questions and this week they are featuring one of my questions for the discussion. Unfortunately, it was the one question that I was least prepared to answer! What's the habit your most proud of breaking? So, I have a bad habit (pun intended) of starting a goal and not always following it through, so I thought that I would put down a couple of my biggies in an attempt to start really focusing on them and working them through.

1. I want to cut the soda out of my life. Diet cola is so bad for you, but since I am not really a coffee drinker I get my caffeine jolt from my daily Diet Pepsi. This has been an especially hard thing for me. I have cut it way back and usually only have one in the morning to have my pick me up and have water the rest of the day. However, there are those weeks when I am out of the office all week, having to get take out for lunch and I fall back into the soda habit and the cycle continues. My hubby, who had a worse addiction to the stuff has almost entirely cut it out, with the exception of one 12oz can a day! That's something to be proud of and I really want to be right there with him! Working on it!

2. I am a face picker/toucher! It's awful and I always have breakouts because of it! Then I pick the scab and make the ugly blemish worse! I have tried desperately to keep my hands off of my face as of late and have seen an slight improvement in my skin, but when I am stressed I go right back to rubbing and picking! SLAP! Stop it!

3. I over analyze EVERY situation. Anything that I can stew over for months at a time I usually will. If it happened I am probably still harping over it! It is really bad and not good for my psyche! I also over analyze situations that haven't happened! I will stress out over something that I think might happen, that actually never does! Sigh. Why do I do this to myself?!!?? I know this has been an ongoing lesson to myself and a major thing that I need to work on. I continue to grow within this aspect, but I still need to continue to work on this aspect of my life, and probably will have to for the rest of my life. Another area, that is along the same lines is going above and beyond to make others happy. Sometimes I go overboard when trying to help someone that I get over-involved and am left feeling under appreciated. I don't do things to get recognition, but when I am left feeling used and abused it really hurts me. I have stopped doing things for people who don't appreciate what I have done for them and try to only do the things that I want and would make my life better and happier. I love helping people and it does make me happy when someone asks for my input, or assistance. I love to give, but have learned to not give so much that my happiness is taken away from me.

Well I hope that was a good response, because honestly I haven't "broken" any habits yet, but continue to grow with each one and take a step further in the right direction. Lauren and Kalyn have decided to make this link up every other week, so my next post won't be until May 27th and the question in the pipeline is: How would you describe modesty for the modern woman & why is (or isn't) it important in today's world? 

And NOW, a recap of the weekend! We all know it was Mother's Day yesterday. A couple of years ago I made this little triptych as a tribute to the three wonderful women I have the privilege of calling mom. My own mom on the left, my step mom in the middle and my M.I.L. on the right. All these women are great people to have in my life and are people that I can talk to when I need to vent, ask for advice or just want to spend time with!

Anyways, lets go in order.....Friday was our typical night to spend time with friends and just hang out. We went over to our friend's Mr. L's for a celebration that his roommate has tolerated the craziness for an entire year! Go S! We had a lot of laughs, some good food, drinks and conversation! Always a blast!

Saturday, I drug my slightly hungover bootay out of bed and met my wonderful mom in Palmdale to treat her to lunch and some shopping. We both got some great comfy summer dresses and I can't wait to wear mine next weekend to all the parties that are going on! Whoop! We had a nice lunch at the Olive Garden and then wandered around the mall for hours. It was good because we got an unusual heat wave this weekend and temps soared to over 100° and it was sweltering outside ! I re-found my favorite conditioner at one of the salons! Off to stock up! Once we said our goodbyes, and I got her part of our gift for the shower, I made my way back home cooked us up some dinner and we caught up on some Game of Thrones Ssn 2! Oh how I missed it!

Sunday I awoke really early, because it was just so hot. I got up and continued to work on an upcoming project! It's starting to look good! Stay tuned for that bad boy! Patriotic and glittery, can we say of course!! We called my step mom and chatted with her for a bit, then the hubby and I got cleaned up and made our way over to his parents to celebrate with his mom. He cooked up some mean steaks and corn on the cob, and I made the salad and the rest of the sides. We toasted a good glass of wine and ended the meal with strawberry shortcake. We had great conversation and a lovely time.

I hope you all had a wonderful Mother's Day weekend! Linking up!

Coffee n' Conversations #10 - Unforgettable

Again this week we come to Monday and I am exhausted! But there is a reasonable explanation for it! We went on a spur of the moment camping trip this weekend. Stay tuned for my weekend update post for all the details on that! But that doesn't mean I am going to miss out on on the conversation this week with Lauren and Kalyn.

This week's Coffee and Conversation is: Who is your most unforgettable character and why?

When I first read the question I immediately thought of a book character. I also read Kalyn's post where she spoke about a real life person, and in order for me to not sound redundant and talk about the same people over and over (which I could do, but honestly I can see your eyes glazing over into the future) so I think I am going to go with a book character.

As a child I loved The Little Women, and the character Jo. She had such spunk and charisma that I could read it over and over. Her relationship with her sisters always made me long to have siblings, because I am an only child. It's such a classic story and one that I hold near to my heart. However this was not the book that stuck in my head as much as that one. It was "One Fat Summer" by Robert Lipsyte.

"One Fat Summer takes you through a summer of change for Bobby Marks, an overweight 14-year-old boy who wishes he were thin. Faced with nothing to do for the summer, Bobby gets a job from a stingy estate owner, Dr. Kahn. Working for Dr. Kahn, Bobby learns about hard work, determination, and pride. The only thing that can stop Bobby's productive summer is Willie Rumson, the town bully who seems to have it out for Bobby. Throughout the story, Bobby learns things about himself that he never knew before, and his view of summer changes drastically."

I related to the character immensely. I was an overweight adolescent that longed to be accepted by my peers. I was incessantly made fun of because of my red-hair and freckles, but that didn't stop me from doing the things I love and doing them well. Knowing that a job well done can make you feel proud and overcoming obstacles to get where you want to be makes you feel on top of the world. I was extremely shy and that did not help my peers from understanding me, however I eventually found that core group that truly understood me and made me feel better about who I was....inside and out.

Reading this book made me realize that I wasn't alone in the world of bullying. Today's standards of bullying are vastly different then when I was a child. With online social network profiles and cell phones, kids today have it really hard. We need to empower our children to stand up to bullying and try to help put an end to it as adults to. I was not the child that stood up for myself, I stayed in the shadows and eventually figured out who I was with the help of some close friends. It took a long time to do so, but knowing that your not alone does help. Other books that hold true to the power of friendships, empowerment and love are definitely the Harry Potter series. Overcoming obstacles and learning to be your true self is something that I think is very important for today's youth.

CnC #9 - Books and Faith

Whoooooweeeeee. This weekend was pretty uneventful, and the question must be asked.....why am I so tired? Could it be that summer officially sprung in my neck of the woods with triple digit heat and really bad sleep? Ding ding ding! I am SO not ready for summer. I really would like spring to hang around for a little while longer. 


We have a new question for this week's CnC! "What was the last book you read that really caused you to grow in your Faith?"

So, I have been wracking my brain on this question since last Monday. Hence why the post isn't ready until late! I am not really a religious person in the sense that I don't practice organized religion. I grew up Catholic, did the Sunday School thing, First Communion....all that Jazz, but once I hit puberty we as a family just didn't continue to go. There were underlying reasons, which I wont delve into, but it just kinda fell by the wayside. I have been to church since then, but it's never been the same. I love going and hearing the scriptures, the music and the beauty that is a Catholic Church.....I just haven't gotten back into it. Partly because my hubby was raised Lutheran and it's just different. I know it's still the Christian religion, but it's not church as I know it. I dunno, I guess I just have the faith and I pray, because He is always around and listening that I don't feel the need to sit in a building to make me feel closer to him. But that's just how I feel. Everyone is different and has their own opinion about religion.

Back to the topic at hand. Books. I love to read......I love to read suspense novels. Murder mysteries. Things that make me want to help solve the problem. There have been a couple of books that have made me want to research the history behind religion and faith, but not necessarily caused my faith to grow. The Dan Brown novels and a couple of others have made me curious into conspiracy theory's about Mary Magdalene and the Illuminate, but also television series like the historical fiction Tudors make me curious as to how power shapes the course of religion as well. I was never a history buff, but these kinds of things intrigue me as to how the past has shaped how we see religion and the world today. The recent Bible series on History Channel really peaked my interest even more. Some of the stories I remembered from my learning's, but a lot I had forgotten about. It makes me want to read more and learn more. I guess my brain is thirsty for knowledge because it's not full of school anymore! Haha. I know that these books and television shows are purely for entertainment, and facts have been altered to create drama, but it really makes me curious as to how and why we live in the world we do today. I also really do want to start going back to church and finding my love for it again. The hubbs and I just need to go to several and pick the best one for us! I want our children to have faith and understand the beauty in it.

Below are a couple of shots from this weekend. Our pup decided that the sun was the BEST place to be while I was cleaning on Saturday.....of course this was before it decided to hit the 90° mark and she came into the shade. I thought that it was too precious and had to share!

After cleaning I pulled out my sketchbook and started to play around. I miss drawing and every time I walk passed the chalk nude I did it makes me want to draw. I did the eye this weekend really quick, and even though it was really quick, and not shaded very well...I think it turned out pretty good! :-)

Saturday night I went to one of the local high schools final dance show. It was circus themed and very well done! It was my friend's baby cousin's final show with the school! She graduates this year! It was bittersweet knowing that this is the last show I will watch knowing a member of the team! All the girls did a fantastic job! Congrats on National Champs! :-)

Sunday we did absolutely nothing of interest. Laundry and lounging. That's it. No photographic evidence to that effect! I hope you all had a great weekend!

Coffee n Conversations #8 - Best Friends

It's Monday! You all know what that means.....back to work. Whomp whomp. It also means that I am linking up for Coffee and Conversations with Lauren and Kalyn!


This weeks question: What is the most valuable friendship you have in your life and what makes it so great? 

Based on previous CnC's I'm sure your all thinking that I am going to say either my hubby or my mom, and for the most part you would be right. These people are my two best friends, but honestly I do have other friends who I am not related to! Haha. So I think for the basis of this post, and because I have already sung their praises in many other posts, I will talk about someone other than these two magnificent people that I have in my life.

So, back in the good ole days of high school.....honestly its been almost 12 years since I graduated, I know I am dating myself here yes I am gonna be 30! We all had that one friend that just stuck out and was always there. For me that was my dearest and longest friend T. I have talked about him in the past.....here and here, oh and here and here!

We first met on day one of Senior Year. He had transferred from another school to come to mine because we were an arts and technology magnet school. We were both on the dance team and by mid year he invited me to his 18th birthday party. This is where it all began. After that, it seemed like we were constantly together. He had many friends, and I didn't have very many. I was an extremely introverted teenager and he completely ripped that person to pieces and pretty much transformed me into the person I am today. No more thin skin and being overly sensitive....well somewhat...we had many inside jokes and we were constantly laughing and having a wonderful time. He and I both worked at Disneyland where we made many other friends and he eventually introduced me to my loving husband. My life would be completely different if he wasn't in it! He makes both D and I laugh and he is a person that can truly be trusted to be at your side. If you are a friend he goes above and beyond to make sure you know it! He is one of those people that I can not see in months and when we return to one another, it's like no time has passed at all!

One of my favorite memories is downloading Britney Spears music videos (this is pre You Tube folks) and watching them over and over copying the choreography until we had it memorized. Honestly, anything to do with dancing and we were pretty much doing it. Taking classes, going to competitions and conventions, doing gymnastics and having my back thrown out, (so fun) choreographing, and making costumes. Even today, when we get together we sometimes have a high kick contest, he tends to win because he still dances and I usually end up being really REALLY sore the next day! We would drive with musical soundtracks like The Lion King, Newsies or 42nd Street blasting and singing every line. Going to midnight showings of every Marvel movie, seeing The Lord of the Rings the Fellowship of the Ring twice and falling asleep! Oh and there was that time when he fell asleep on the dvd remote and I had to listen to the intro to Legally Blonde for hours because I couldn't see to turn off the tv. "It's a perfect dayyyyy, with nothing standing in my wayyy." That line will forever be burned into my brain! AND! My first speeding ticket was with him. We were coming home from our shift at Disneyland and Caltrans decided to close every major freeway to get home at 1AM. We ended up on PCH completely lost. Apparently they were doing road construction there as well.....although no signs were posted. I get pulled over, T starts laughing hysterically on the phone with his mom and the CHP didn't believe that we were truly lost until after he gave me the ticket (for speeding in a construction zone) and I asked him for the 4th time how to get home. He finally changed his attitude and gave me directions, honestly he probably thought we were stupid teenagers just acting ridiculous! Thanks. I wouldn't trade any of these memories for anything in the whole world!

We still get together at least once a month to hang out, laugh, watch movies, play video games and just be overall silly! Throughout the years as you acquire friendships or acquaintances you grow apart from those that were once very close to as a younger adult. You learn about yourself through each of them and change ever so slightly. The ones that stay, and stay forever are the truly special ones. Not many people can say that they have had the same friend their entire life, like my hubby, but we both cherish this friendship because he truly is a special part of both our lives. Even with all the teasing, and the nickname I hate, (which wont be mentioned) I know that he will forever be a loyal friend and somebody that I can count on whenever I need a laugh, an ear, or just a hug. That is what makes a best friend. I love his family as though they are my own, and to me he is FAMILY, not just a friend.  I hope over the next 13 years our friendship only grows stronger! Love you T!

Now for the photo dump!

Please be kind.....some of these photos are not the greatest of me. I didn't edit any of them! My mom has a million more, it's just getting the scanner to her house and getting them all digital!

Coffee and Conversations #7 - Strengths

It seems this week is going to be a BIG one. With CnC's going on, I am also co-hosting a link-up tomorrow and I am participating in the Bigs and Littles Blogging Network too! Sometime this week I need to do a weekend recap (because it was a big weekend) AND I still need to download the photos from Florida. We have been home for a month! YIKES! Hopefully I can throw in a craft or two.....sounds like a lot. I'll try my best! Also I want to give a shout out to my new followers there on the left and to those on Bloglovin'! Thanks for joining me! I hope you like what you read. Onto the convo.....

This weeks question: What do you consider your two greatest strengths? What about the areas you would like to improve?

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Whooooooeeee. This is a good question. What are my strengths? This is always a hard question for me because I tend to build myself down....not up.....there's an area of improvement right off the bat. I guess I would say that I love deeply and with conviction. If you are in my life it's for a reason and I hold onto that connection very strongly. I tend to go above and beyond for those people and truly try to make them feel like a special part of my life. When someone chooses to leave my life for whatever reason it's very hard for me to let go because that person found their way into my heart and there will always be a place for them there, regardless of the situation that caused them to leave. If someone asks for my help, I am always willing to jump in and do so. I love to listen and even if I don't have a solution I feel like I can be a good sounding board for all my family and friends. I am a redhead, and they say that we are passionate people, and I think that's true. I am passionate about my relationships, my hobbies, and anything else that is deemed worthy in my heart.

An area I can improve upon is: I don't let go of things easy, I like to hold onto them and think about how if the situation had been different how my life would look now....but honestly this is an area I need to work on. Letting go of things that aren't in my control. I am a controlling person, and like things to be done a certain way, but I need to know that if I cannot control it, then I should just let it be. This one has been something I have been working on a lot recently, within the last year. Letting go of situations a can't control, feelings that have harbored over the years, anything that causes undo stress in my life I have tried to just let it be. I have made great strides in this, but I think it will always be an area in my life that I will need to work on. However since the hubby and I decided to do this, our relationship and our all-over well being has improved dramatically! I can be thankful of that! We both understand what's worth fighting for and what isn't. Our relationship is, other things are not.

Another strength I have is that I tend to be extremely organized, in my own way. Again this stems from me being controlling and wanting things done a certain way....however I do have a mild case of O.C.D. and I know where everything is at any given time. I do have to say that my filing system does tend to get a little lazy, but when it comes to re-organizing the hubby and I tend to get it done rather quickly and usually everything has a place. I also HATE clutter, so we like to go through our things and get rid of clothes, or other items that we haven't used in the past year to eighteen months and donate it to charity. You look around my desk at the office and it (for the most part) tends to be the cleanest and easiest area to find paperwork in.....I also tend to stack finishes and fabrics in a very neat way and have files and folders for EVERYTHING! Thus why I can find it all, and if I am ever out at a job site I can explain to someone calling me very easy! I wish I could be more organized at home, but with little storage in an apartment I deal with what I have, and let go of what I cannot control! See! I am trying!!!!

Those are some things that are my strengths and weaknesses. I'm sure there are probably better ones, but I couldn't think of any but these! I hope you enjoyed reading and that you head on over and link up your own discussion! The hosts of this great link up are Kalyn at Love Laughter Happily Ever After and Lauren at Simply Free. Go check out their great sites too!

CnC #5 - Emotions on Edge

Here we are linking up again for Coffee and Conversations like we do every Monday with Lauren at Simply Free and Kalyn at Love, Laughter, Happily Ever After. This weeks question: What are you currently struggling or grappling with in your life?


I haven't really shared my thoughts on this very often in the blog world or with anyone other than my hubby and my parents. Currently I am struggling with coping, coping with feelings of inadequacy. Almost three years ago the hubby and I decided it was time to start a family. I went off birth control, and we said "when it happens it happens." I wasn't ready at the time to have children, but figured we would just let nature take its course. I had a lot of stress on my plate with dealing with the death of my father and many other things that happened in 2011 and 2012. In September of 2012 when I had to deal with my ectopic pregnancy I at least felt relieved that we were at least successful in meeting sperm to egg. I mean 2 years of strange cycles, stress and everything else can make you think that something is wrong with you. So even though we had to deal with the loss, we both felt good that we could at least get there, even with the risks of another one eventually happening.

However here we are, April. 4 months after the go ahead from the doctor to start again and here I am, baby-less. I have cried a lot this month. Those feelings of inadequacy are running really high. I had huge hopes that March would be our month but our last day in Florida I lost my hope. It just sucks. I know so many people that are welcoming their babies into the world over the last month, and all the while I am so happy for them but can't help but wish for my turn. I know I cannot compare myself to others because I don't know what struggles they have gone through for their family, but I see pregnant people everywhere! There's always that joke that there's something in the water, but I know that its not an epidemic, that its on my mind and I am noticing it more. But going to baby showers and feigning excitement is getting really hard. Making tiny gifts and looking at registries just makes me want it more.

I have told the hubby that all I want for my 30th birthday is to be growing a child, but as that date creeps closer and closer (June) it gets harder to imagine success. I know I still have time. I broke down, used some Amazon credits and bought an OPK's to try out. Maybe my little phone app is just off to when I actually ovulate and even though I'm temping, it still is really hard to get an accurate time because I can't really trust the damn thermometer. So were gonna try this for a couple of months and see how it goes. Frankly, almost everyone that I personally know has conceived using them, so I don't know why I waited so long to buy them. I am trying to keep all my thoughts to the positive side, still hopeful that things will come the all natural way. Send me baby dust! I could really use it!

So here in lies the truth behind my crafty craze lately! I need to keep my mind, hands, and everything else busy! At least you all get to enjoy the fruits of that! Coming up this week.....baby diaper and wipes case, and hoping to have completed the cute crochet pillow that I talked about here. I also went shopping for fabrics for the hubbies quilt! Stay tuned for an update on that!

Preview of pillow top.

Influences and Regrets: Coffee and Conversations #3 and #4

So I kinda missed last weeks CnC because we got in from our flight late in the day on Sunday and I was completely wiped out. So I'll just post about them both in this weeks! Ta Da! You see what I did there right?

Week 3's question was: Who has influenced you the most in your life - personally or professionally - and why?

I would have to say that my hubby and my mom influence me the most. Both personally and professionally. They both are my sounding board when I need to bounce ideas off of. Since I am in a creative field I can describe what I am looking to achieve and they will tell me if it sounds feasible. They are both great listeners and will always support the decisions that I make. They both help me to see different sides of any situation and to make the best decision. I wouldn't call them my "mentors" per say but they truly are my first choice people in all things in life. I am truly blessed to have them in my life.

This weeks question: What would you regret not fully doing, being, or having in your life?

Source

Of course the main thing that I would regret in life is not having a family, but since we are in the works to making that happen then my next go to would have to be to travel the world. Right out of high school I took a UK trip and it forever put that thirst for culture into me....also being an interior designer I love architecture and there are sooooo many places around the world that are just amazing. I want to soak in all the culture I can get, on my limited budget, and just experience different worlds, languages and food of course. After our honeymoon, the bug bit my hubby too and we just want to GO PLACES. Hopefully with our children and help them to experience life within different parts of the world. That is why I started my Lifetime of Memories tab above. It's our bucket list that is ever evolving. We just keep adding to it. Eventually we will get there but it's something that I would truly regret doing or sharing with my love.

Coffee n Conversations #2 - Thankful

Here it is week #2 of coffee and conversations. Although for me it's more Caffeine and Conversations or Coke and Conversations as I rarely drink coffee.....but anyways that's not why we are here is it! I am linking up again and every Monday with Lauren at Simple Free and Kalyn at Love, Laughter, Happily Ever After and this weeks topic is: What are you most thankful for this year so far?

I am sitting to write this post several days early as we are currently in Florida visiting family. I did write an I am thankful post back in November for Thanksgiving, but I figured that I could go a little more in depth. First off I am thankful to have such a wonderful support group that is my family including my extended family. When my dad was sick and when he eventually passed, family I had never met came to my side and was there for me. Even now, after only meeting them once or twice in my adult life as I head to Florida I have been swamped with facebook messages about wanting to see us and visit. I have gotten many notes over the last two years and our first day in Florida is going to be a mini family reunion as well as a friend get together of all the people that were there for me and my stepmom that year. I am looking so forward to seeing all of them. Also I am thankful for the relationship that I have with my stepmom. Our relationship hasn't faltered and we still talk on a monthly basis to catch up on each others lives. I am truly blessed to have her in my life.

I am thankful for my parents; my mom and stepdad. They have always been by my side and truly only want what is best for me. They have brought in my hubby and have truly made him like a son to them. Our memories that we have created over my 30 years are some of the best times.....including the time you threw me in the corner dad! Yea! I know you know what I am talking about. To clarify, the abridged version, he didn't throw me in the corner. We had a ritual at night where he would take me to my room for bed and without turning on the lights would throw me from my door into bed, then we would read a story until it was moms turn to tuck me in......well one day my mom cleaned my room and, because she was unaware of this ritual, moved my bed to the complete other side of the room. Needless to say I was left in a crumpled mess on the floor and my dad was a wreck. Well its safe to say that ritual was shot to s#^t. Haha. Even though I wasn't the easiest child to deal with, they both always loved me with all of their hearts and still do. There support emotionally and financially growing up...their advice and ear in my adulthood is the best thing to have. I love them so much!

I am thankful for my little family. Our pup is the light and the silly in our lives! I am so glad that we decided to rescue her and bring her into our crazy family. I am so truly thankful for my husband. I cannot say this enough and many people I know are probably like *puke! stop talking about it!* but in all seriousness, I couldn't have chosen a better partner. Yes, marriage isn't easy. It takes a lot of compromising and forgiveness, but without that you never learn about yourself or the other person. Patience and a good ear for listening are key. Also keeping the love alive and a smile on your face. After 12 years we still love each other just as much as we did the first year! He is my rock and my warmth. I love you babie.

This last thing was more for last year. I am thankful for the lessons. Things happen in your life and either you can let them tear you down or you can learn and grow from them. I had my dark times and I needed that dark time. I saw the things that I needed to change and made the steps towards those changes. I still have work to do, because we are always works in progress, but I feel like I have made leaps and bounds towards a new and better me. A healthy outlook on the future and my life!

There you go. My philosophical moment is over. I hope you all will join in on this link up! The questions are great and insightful! Happy Monday!

Coffee n Conversations Link Up with some Bucket Lists!

So I am trying something new this week and linking up with Lauren at Simply Free and Kalyn at Love, Laughter, Happily Ever After and their Coffee and Conversations Link Up. I have never participated in a link up before but this one seems like its a good one.


This weeks question is: What are you most thankful for this year? Even though this year is still relatively new, I am so thankful for my husband and my family, including my extended family and friends family. They continue to remind me how wonderful people can be. All the memories that have been made already this year will last a lifetime and I am thankful to have their support! My husband truly is the best! I couldn't ask for a better man to share in this journey. And even though we continue to try and start our family.... each month that passed he's ready and willing to do what it takes! And for that I am truly blessed. Hopefully as the year progresses I will have much more to be thankful for, but for now it's the memories that we make and the people that have helped to make them! I love you all!

In addition to being thankful for all those in my life, I am thankful that we checked off two, well technically three, more items on our bucket list this weekend!!!! If you know, my hubby and I have a lifetime bucket list (listed at the top under Lifetime of Memories) and also a yearly bucket list which we try and accomplish little things around our area. We live in the touristy area of Los Angeles, and there are many things that we have not done so its a fun way to create memories and see all that California has to offer. This weekends task: City Walk, Saddle Ranch and riding the mechanical bull. We have both been to City Walk, but not really together.....yea there was that one time we went to Tokyo Delves and walked to Howl at the Moon, but we never went to City Walk to see what it's about. Granted....it's just food and shopping, but its something fun to do on a Sunday afternoon without breaking the bank with theme park prices. Our friend's The Morr's joined us with their little one. We walked around and decided that we were going to eat at Saddle Ranch, ride the bull and then go and do the indoor skydiving.

The Infamous Globe

Lunch was great and the boys partook in the bottomless Bloody Mary's (D) and Mimosa's (R). Every so often a waiter would pass with the biggest cotton candy tower I have ever seen and we all were drooling so we ordered one and between the five of us packed that bad boy away! James was a little perplexed by it's size, but once he had his first bite of sugary goodness he was hooked. We then signed our liability wavers and went to ride that bull. We were a little intimidated as the girl said "In the year I have worked here I have only seen 5 people get seriously injured." Um.....yea. Not something you want to hear when you are willing doing something like that. We each had our turn and R and James thought it was thoroughly entertaining watching us ride the bull. Did we get video.....heck ya! Check out D and I below!

3 Feet of sugary goodness!

Save a horse, ride....a mechanical bull?

After all that fun had ended, we made our way back over to the indoor skydiving....only to find out it was a three hour wait cause we didn't have a reservation. :-( The guy was super helpful and even gave us a tip to come back on Wednesdays after 6pm.....half price! So much better and worth the trip back! On the list to do! We went and did a little shopping and then went into Jillian's to play some arcade games. We did a little ski-ball and James won a water gun! Yea! We had such a blast with them and can't wait to go back and do the indoor skydiving! It looked so fun! Hope your weekend was fun!

Here's us on the bull! HAHA!