I Will Remember You

Today is a difficult day. My father would have been 53 today. A little over 5 months has past and even though each day gets a little easier, I still find myself wishing that things were different. I know that I cannot change what has happened. You never realize how short life is until you come close to losing it. I lost myself for a while. Not knowing where I was or who I wanted to be. Now I know.  I have realized that I have yet to live my life. There are so many things that I want to do and I am making the point to try and do them. They aren't large things like climbing Mount Everest or things like that, but more looking past myself and seeing what is really out there.

I attempt to be less hurt, meaning when somebody does something it doesn't directly mean that they are doing it to me and I shouldn't get so easily offended. Letting things roll off my back and going with the flow. Choosing who to spend my time with. With the death I fear that the hubbs and I lost a little bit. It's needing to get that time back and return to that good place. It's gotten easier, as everybody knows marriage takes work and we both need to work and put in the effort. We both have goals and I am pushing for mine and helping to push him with his. We plan to make plans now. To experience life in all the ways that we can and to do it together. Whether its taking a trip to somewhere new, like Catalina, or doing a new sport like kneeboarding. We want to at least try something new at least once a month. So the bucket list will expand for 2012 to include all the missing things from this year and to attempt to experience life.

Today though will be a restful day. I will listen to his cd Bar Stools and Call Brand Booze and surround myself with positive people who understand me and all that I am. It will be a  peaceful time for my thoughts and to remember all the memories that I have and all the things that he taught me. 

"I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
Though we are screaming inside oh we can't be heard

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
But once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

That I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories"

 

I love you Daddy!