Massachusetts had to wait....

So if you have been following me for any period of time you know that D and I have been struggling to start a family. For some its super easy, others it takes a while. I guess we are the couple that have to work for it. With the absence of stress in my life for the later half of this year my cycles were finally back on track and I started to calculate my ovulation days.

September was a particularly strange month with regards to my body. I mean little spotting here and there, plus strange cramping and emotions on OVERLOAD! I am talking I am fine one moment and BAM fully pissed off the next....over nothing! Poor D. So over the weekend on September 16 I had what I thought was my period. But when it lasted less than 12 hours I was slightly confused. Since that Friday everyday around 3pm I had been feeling nauseous. Not like pukey, but just strange feelings in my tummy. For someone who rarely feels this way (I mean I NEVER feel like throwing up) it was strange. After a particularly rough Wednesday for both of us...I decided that I needed to know. Things just didn't seem right with me. The short "period" and the upset tummy made me think that I was pregnant. I had planned to wait a week but I felt the need to do it. I got home, and like always after my 45 minute drive I needed to pee, so I took out a pee stick and did my business. Now they tell you to wait 3 minutes and then check the test. I set the timer and looked down at the test. It hadn't even been one minute yet and a second line was appearing! I just started to laugh, because it showed up that quickly. At the full three minutes a solid second line was showing on the test! AH! SO EXCITED! When D got home, I had planned a whole announcement. We both cried tears of joy and reveled in our happiness. The next day I called my doctor to schedule a confirmation appointment, however she was on medical leave so I made the appointment with her partner for the following Tuesday the 25th.

We went about the rest of our week and weekend with this little secret just for us. Unfortunately our happiness wasn't long lived before it turned into worry and apprehension. On Sunday the 23rd I awoke to heavy brown spotting, which tapered off over the course of the day and was gone by the evening. After consulting Dr. Internet and Dr. Book, I learned that some spotting is normal. I went about my Monday at work and on Tuesday, the day of my confirmation appointment, I awoke to heavy reddish brown spotting. That's when I knew something wasn't right. I thought I was miscarrying. D took a half day and my mom drove down to come with me to the doctor. Who, I found out, was not an OB-GYN, and basically told me to go to the ER and she would refer me. How nice. Note: will not be going back there. I called my cousin to get a referral to the doctor that she uses, and called them immediately. There was an appointment available the next day.

The next morning D and I packed up and were optimistic that we were going to get wonderful news. I filled in the nurse on everything and when the doctor came in he discussed my symptoms. He said that anytime you have bleeding in the first trimester that it was a "threatened miscarriage" (which I had read) and that we would need to do an ultrasound to see what was going on. I undressed and got ready for the ultrasound. The doctor began the ultrasound and explained to me what he was looking at along the way. When he said the words that made my heart sink, "I don't see a fetus in your uterus," I thought that I had already lost it. While looking around he noticed a mass in my left fallopian tube. He asked me if I had been having pain on that side, I hadn't thought about it because it was so minimal but I had been having mild cramps on that side. He looked up and told me, with all the symptoms you have I think your having an Ectopic pregnancy. He wanted me to have another ultrasound with another technician to make sure he didn't miss anything. She confirmed with him that there was no fetus in my uterus and the mass was curious to them both. There was no yoke sac, or heartbeat. I was told to get dressed and then transported to another room where the doctor came in to talk to me about options. He told me that I could either have surgery to remove the pregnancy, thus cutting either a part or all my fallopian tube out, which means I could not have any more eggs released through the tube on my left side. He also said I was a good candidate for a drug called Methotrexate. Which is a chemotherapy drug that would shrink the pregnancy enough for my body to absorb the embryo. In any event we needed to get blood work done to see where my hCg levels were. So we went to the lab, and I got blood taken. He called me later that afternoon to let me know that they were at 270. (give or take, I didn't write it down) I would also need to get another blood test on Friday to verify where my levels are. If they went up, then I would have to have surgery, a significant decrease meant possibility of a regular miscarriage, but their could also be a chance of a regular pregnancy that just couldn't be seen. We made our phone calls, notifications and went home and slept. The amount of emotions in us was very thick.

Thursday I went into work. No reason to sit at home and worry about everything. During the morning of trying to be productive I started bleeding very heavy. Dark red. This completely took away all my attention and I called the doctor immediately. I couldn't concentrate anymore because I was worried about everything going on with my health so I went home to await the call. When he did call back he said to me that my symptoms were very strange and with my ultrasound results he still thought it was ectopic, but my symptoms suggested a miscarriage. Either way he wanted me to get the blood work on Friday. Friday morning I went into have blood drawn. As I am sitting there my doctor calls to check on me. I told him that I was still bleeding and was getting my blood work done. He said that he was certain that my pregnancy wasn't a normal pregnancy and he wanted to schedule me for a Dilation and Curettage or D & C, a procedure which the surgeon dilates the uterus and then proceeds to remove the uterine lining with a spoon like instrument. Sounds super pleasant. He asked me to wait for my labs at the facility and bring them as soon as they were done to him. Of course that wasn't possible as the lab doesn't test the blood on site so it would be a minimum of 4 hours. I walked over to the doctors office and told him the news. He told me that he really wanted to schedule me for the D&C at 12PM that day, September 28. I was asked to wait for a nurse to tell me what to do and I called D to meet me at the hospital. Between the time when I left the office and when I got into the post-op area there was much stress. Insurance, more blood work, and of course trying to get in the IV.

At 12 the doctor showed up and told me that he got the labs back and my hCg levels were at 215, not a significant decrease to be a miscarriage. He still wanted to do the D&C just to be safe, and to administer the Methotrexate. 45 minutes later I was awake and in recovery with my hubby and my mom. The doctor came in and explained that he didn't really see any tissue in my uterus and was now 95% sure and to give me the drug. A pathology report would be ordered to verify. Another hour and a half later the person showed up to administer the drug, she stuck that giant needle in my arm for about 10 minutes because the dose needed to be administered slowly. Over a week later I am still bruised from this whole mess. The doctor asked that we cancel our trip, because I would need to be monitored. More blood work and phone calls for updates. The bleeding and cramping continued all through the weekend. The chemo drug took its toll on my body with nausea, vomiting and stomach pains. Of course the compromised immune system has me fighting a cold right now too. I had blood work done again on Friday Oct 5 and got the results yesterday, hCg was at 106. That is half of what it was the week before, which means the medication did its job and my body is taking care of the Ectopic. Pathology came back on the tissue samples and there was no evidence of a pregnancy in my uterus at all. Now were 100% sure of the Ectopic diagnosis. I will need to have weekly blood tests until my hCg levels come back negative and now have a 7% risk of having another Ectopic pregnancy. I have seen many statistics on who has had children after ectopic pregnancies. The positive side is there, however my doctor recommended that I wait 2 normal cycles before TTC and then I have to be screened really early on to make sure that any further pregnancies aren't ectopic.

I have to say that I am so blessed to have gotten into contact with this wonderful doctor. He was amazing. Very nice, reassuring and explained everything very clear to me. I will be changing doctors from this point on and using this doctor. I have to stress that its important to get things checked out. If something seems off, always get it looked at. He caught this so early that we were able to take care of it before it became a major problem. This could have been life threatening. The embryo could have grown and ruptured my tube and I either could have lost my tube, or had internal bleeding to need major surgery or bled to death. I am so glad that I am not a patient person and had to find out the news right away. If I hadn't I would have just thought that I had my period. I am very lucky in a way. We were both devastated that our first pregnancy ended this way, and rightfully so. All we can do is heal; me physically and emotionally and D emotionally, and in three months time try again. I know I am not alone in dealing with pregnancy complications, but it still doesn't make it any easier. I go home every night, hug my husband tight and thank God for all that I have. I pray that I will eventually have more to be thankful for and hope for the best always.

UPDATE 10-29-12:
So it's been a month of this. It's been very hard and my emotions have been completely up and down(mostly down) with the reduction of hormones in my system. On October 12th I had more blood drawn to test the hCg levels. On Mon my doc called and said they were at 40 and we will wait 2 weeks for another test because they were consistently halving themselves. So last Friday I went in for another round of bloodwork. I just received the results from the doctor and they were at a 4. He said that any number below 5 is considered a negative result. That is a relief to me that everything has finally sorted itself out.

Here's some interesting things I learned. 

1. I have bled this whole time, like a nightmare period. I mean 5 weeks of this is enough to drive a person nutty! Then THEN he tells me that it's possible to continue to bleed for several weeks after the negative result! FUN! 

2. I have to wait 2 normal cycles before trying again. We don't know how long my body will take to sort itself out, but I am hoping to be normal by a specific date. No I'm not going to jinx it and tell you all what date I am hoping for.

3. I have small, pain in the ass veins. They hate needles of any kind. Getting blood drawn or iv's inserted in my arms has been like a game of pin the tail on the donkey. Balls ass HARD! I think I have been poked more times in the last month then I have my entire life. Spoiled SOBs. They have to be perfectly hydrated and very warm to give anything up!

4. This is in bold because it's super important. I have the BEST husband ever! He has been through this with me and has been my knight in shining armor. He opens his arms for me when I just need to bury my head and cry on his shoulder, he ran my errands and took care of everything that needed to be done. He understood when I just needed a few minutes to myself and when I just felt like doing nothing at all! My mom and M.I.L. have been amazing as well. Both there when I need to talk and share my thoughts and give me needed advice. I don't know what I would have done without them!

All I can do now if breathe a sigh of relief that this phase is over. Thanks for all your well wishes and encouraging words!