Here we are linking up again for Coffee and Conversations like we do every Monday with Lauren at Simply Free and Kalyn at Love, Laughter, Happily Ever After. This weeks question: What are you currently struggling or grappling with in your life?
I haven't really shared my thoughts on this very often in the blog world or with anyone other than my hubby and my parents. Currently I am struggling with coping, coping with feelings of inadequacy. Almost three years ago the hubby and I decided it was time to start a family. I went off birth control, and we said "when it happens it happens." I wasn't ready at the time to have children, but figured we would just let nature take its course. I had a lot of stress on my plate with dealing with the death of my father and many other things that happened in 2011 and 2012. In September of 2012 when I had to deal with my ectopic pregnancy I at least felt relieved that we were at least successful in meeting sperm to egg. I mean 2 years of strange cycles, stress and everything else can make you think that something is wrong with you. So even though we had to deal with the loss, we both felt good that we could at least get there, even with the risks of another one eventually happening.
However here we are, April. 4 months after the go ahead from the doctor to start again and here I am, baby-less. I have cried a lot this month. Those feelings of inadequacy are running really high. I had huge hopes that March would be our month but our last day in Florida I lost my hope. It just sucks. I know so many people that are welcoming their babies into the world over the last month, and all the while I am so happy for them but can't help but wish for my turn. I know I cannot compare myself to others because I don't know what struggles they have gone through for their family, but I see pregnant people everywhere! There's always that joke that there's something in the water, but I know that its not an epidemic, that its on my mind and I am noticing it more. But going to baby showers and feigning excitement is getting really hard. Making tiny gifts and looking at registries just makes me want it more.
I have told the hubby that all I want for my 30th birthday is to be growing a child, but as that date creeps closer and closer (June) it gets harder to imagine success. I know I still have time. I broke down, used some Amazon credits and bought an OPK's to try out. Maybe my little phone app is just off to when I actually ovulate and even though I'm temping, it still is really hard to get an accurate time because I can't really trust the damn thermometer. So were gonna try this for a couple of months and see how it goes. Frankly, almost everyone that I personally know has conceived using them, so I don't know why I waited so long to buy them. I am trying to keep all my thoughts to the positive side, still hopeful that things will come the all natural way. Send me baby dust! I could really use it!
So here in lies the truth behind my crafty craze lately! I need to keep my mind, hands, and everything else busy! At least you all get to enjoy the fruits of that! Coming up this week.....baby diaper and wipes case, and hoping to have completed the cute crochet pillow that I talked about here. I also went shopping for fabrics for the hubbies quilt! Stay tuned for an update on that!
I haven't really shared my thoughts on this very often in the blog world or with anyone other than my hubby and my parents. Currently I am struggling with coping, coping with feelings of inadequacy. Almost three years ago the hubby and I decided it was time to start a family. I went off birth control, and we said "when it happens it happens." I wasn't ready at the time to have children, but figured we would just let nature take its course. I had a lot of stress on my plate with dealing with the death of my father and many other things that happened in 2011 and 2012. In September of 2012 when I had to deal with my ectopic pregnancy I at least felt relieved that we were at least successful in meeting sperm to egg. I mean 2 years of strange cycles, stress and everything else can make you think that something is wrong with you. So even though we had to deal with the loss, we both felt good that we could at least get there, even with the risks of another one eventually happening.
However here we are, April. 4 months after the go ahead from the doctor to start again and here I am, baby-less. I have cried a lot this month. Those feelings of inadequacy are running really high. I had huge hopes that March would be our month but our last day in Florida I lost my hope. It just sucks. I know so many people that are welcoming their babies into the world over the last month, and all the while I am so happy for them but can't help but wish for my turn. I know I cannot compare myself to others because I don't know what struggles they have gone through for their family, but I see pregnant people everywhere! There's always that joke that there's something in the water, but I know that its not an epidemic, that its on my mind and I am noticing it more. But going to baby showers and feigning excitement is getting really hard. Making tiny gifts and looking at registries just makes me want it more.
I have told the hubby that all I want for my 30th birthday is to be growing a child, but as that date creeps closer and closer (June) it gets harder to imagine success. I know I still have time. I broke down, used some Amazon credits and bought an OPK's to try out. Maybe my little phone app is just off to when I actually ovulate and even though I'm temping, it still is really hard to get an accurate time because I can't really trust the damn thermometer. So were gonna try this for a couple of months and see how it goes. Frankly, almost everyone that I personally know has conceived using them, so I don't know why I waited so long to buy them. I am trying to keep all my thoughts to the positive side, still hopeful that things will come the all natural way. Send me baby dust! I could really use it!
So here in lies the truth behind my crafty craze lately! I need to keep my mind, hands, and everything else busy! At least you all get to enjoy the fruits of that! Coming up this week.....baby diaper and wipes case, and hoping to have completed the cute crochet pillow that I talked about here. I also went shopping for fabrics for the hubbies quilt! Stay tuned for an update on that!
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| Preview of pillow top. |
Thanks for being so open about this! Praying for you on this :) Love your heart and honesty.
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