A change of address?

Ever since Thanksgiving of last year Darin and I have been mulling around with the thought of moving out of state. We have always thought that we would never stay in Southern California, but many things have kept us here. My job, family, security. I have a wonderful job that heavily appreciates family time, which is rare in my business. I am an only child so it would be very hard for me to leave my mom and the rest of my family. And the fact that I have lived here in southern California my whole life, could I adjust to another place? There are just too many what if's that are out there. I was watching the movie "Letter's to Juliet" last night, I know not really in relevance, and happened upon a quote "'What' and 'If' are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life." There have been many things that have happened in the recent past that have made me think, is life too short to stay? Do we need to have an adventure, get lost in the world, and really become a couple without the security blanket? We haven't even scratched the surface of life. I have traveled, but not like I would truly want to. I want to start a family but fear that we will never be financially secure in this state. Housing prices, taxes, cost of living. It all keeps going up and up. I know that this is just the part of life that we have hit a financial plateau. It happens to everyone, but my fear is that we will get stuck here without any opportunity for real growth.

I had always said that I didn't believe that I would have the guts and tenacity to run my own business, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that I have far too much ambition to stay in the same position for the rest of my life. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do, I just sometimes feel that I am not given enough responsibilities and the opportunities to learn, make mistakes and grow. I understand that with the recession every company needs to minimize their overhead and have as few mistakes as possible. I just feel that I could soar if I am given that responsibility.

Then there is the family. For the most part, our families and friends are all here in Southern California. However with the exception of a very minimal few, we don't see the majority except for on very rare occasions. I understand that it is a part of life. To grow apart, find who you are, and become independent entities. I know that wherever we may go that the one's that truly care to see us will visit and we can always come back to visit. The other thing that I fear is being far from my mother. When I become a mother, I want her nearby to be able to help me pass on the good qualities like she did for me. There is a true bond between us and she is one of my best friends. But then I think to myself, she had the adventure. She lived in Spain for years while my father was in the Air Force and after I was born moved to Florida. She was far from her family and was forced to make her own decisions and fly. Darin desperately wants this for us and who am I to tell him no if it will be good for our relationship. He wants to find a sense of self, something he doesn't feel he can find in Southern California, or at least the SCV.

Back to the security blanket. Well there isn't much here for me except for the mild weather. Yes I love the beach, and there is much culture to experience here, but as I listed above there are many negatives to living in this state. Not to mention the vast need for attention, self involvement, and material nature of most people that have lived here for more than 5 years. Not everywhere is like that, but for the most part....what you see on TV is correct! I long for a simpler life. One where what you have isn't the most important thing, but your character and how you live your life is. I am tired of the "All about me" disease that has invaded my life. Not everyone is like this, but a vast majority is. Makes me want to just crawl into our hole and stay put.

I know that my life wont be drastically different in another place, but the thought of having to make it on my own, without the security blanket makes me optimistic and terrified at the same time. Life is the good and the bad all rolled into one and our job is to deal with it the best way we know how. To make mistakes and learn from them, to experience joy and sorrow, but most of all to live.