Some Days

There are some days when words cannot express my emotions. Some day's when I feel under attack from every angle and cannot seem to change the mind of those individuals that are taking me down one statement or action at a time. I beg and plead to be left alone, I need my solace to be able to combat the demons in my head. I know that's selfish, but it is how I deal. My defense mechanism is to shut down. If I don't create emotions then I can't be hurt by them or hurt others with them. I become like a zombie, but how fair is that to the people around me. People who care, but in my time of utter selfishness cannot see past my own misery. As they say, misery loves company, but I don't like to bring people in. I like to stay, alone, in my own head. Then I become angry, and take things out on those who are closest to me. Why? I don't know. Little nitpicking turns into enormous drawn out blow ups, for what? Nothing. I try and try to be different, better. Sometimes I see the change, and others I see the past. Rearing it's ugly head right in front of me. I guess it's something I need to work on.

I'm Sorry