I have been going back through my old blog posts and just re-reading the things that I have wrote about. It seems that the basis of why I started this blog has been skewed a little. I began this as a way to get my thoughts out of my head and away so that I don't sit and stew on them. Now it seems I write mostly about the fun things that happen in my life; events, crafts and photography because I don't want to offend or bore any of my readers.
With all that I have been through in the past year; all the ups, downs, and challenges I have faced I still feel the need to continue to write it all out. However, certain things that I want to write and get out are not things that anyone wants to read. I tend to vent to my husband and my mother a lot and sometimes its just because I need it off my chest, but that is a huge burden that they shouldn't have to carry. I feel like I am being my typical self. Crawling into my shell and the guard being up high.
I feel like some days I am lost. Wondering what my purpose is supposed to be. I thought because I had skills that my purpose is to be helpful and creative with others, but sometimes I don't feel like the things I do are appreciated in the way I intend them to be. I still love to be creative as still fully intend on doing things that make my creative brain happy. But it will be for me, things I enjoy doing and if I feel like doing for others then I will. The hubbs doesn't understand my need to keep occupied, I seem to get addicted to one thing or another and have to follow it through. He appreciates it and loves how whole heartedly I do everything. I am glad that I have him and he (along with my mom) is my support system.
I have been reaching out to old friends. Those from high school that have matured but haven't lost what I liked about them. Most have changed in the fact that they have children or have moved away, but in a way I think a larger social circle might do me and my over thinking brain some good. We have as a couple expanded our social circle as well. Surrounding yourself with people that make you feel happy is the best way to get you out of a funk, which I for sure am in. Although I said I wouldn't have high hopes that this year would be better, I am always the eternal optimist in my own head. Hoping that things will be different. Well, it has not started off any better and even though I have some things to deal with I will hold my head high and be strong. Being there for those that need me, in good times and bad.
This year is already looking to be a big one again. 3 weddings, 1 baby shower and we are celebrating 10 years together and 5 years married. With all this to look forward to along with many of the other things already in the works, I can't help but feel a little apprehensive. Feeling like I am standing along the edge watching everyone else live their lives and I am stuck in a holding pattern. Waiting for it to move again. They say that things happen for a reason and I do believe that. However I want my husband and I to be able to have what we desire. Kids, home. I guess we will have to stop wanting it so much, and maybe it will come to us. Just a thought.
I got off on a tangent of thought process here. I guess the point I am trying to say is I have re-visited the thought of this blog. I will continue to write about the fun things; events, crafts and photography, but I think in addition to this I will need to write in a separate place all the other things that float around in my head. Things that I don't want on the world wide web. This will be a place of showcase and happy thoughts! And every now and then, maybe I will sneak in something reflective!
Happy Reading
